I’m Wondering about Sondering
Sonder is a term coined by U.S. writer John Koenig in his blog ‘The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows in 2012’. It refers to the profound feeling of realising that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.
Learning new stuff from my 18yr old girl is a humbling experience, as I read out this word written on her arm in Henna (she’s clearly prepping for a full tat sleeve, and easing me in gently)
Sonder, what the hell is that, is that a even a real word, what have you written this on your arm for?!!! Feeling very ‘uncool mum vibes’ she told me what it meant and until I looked it up I thought she had clearly got something very wrong, how could I, aged 55yrs with all my life experience and keen interest in psychology, people and behaviours not know this word?
Turns out….. I didn’t know this word! This word describes something I have always wondered about my whole life. As I pass streets with front doors, look up at all the windows in apartment blocks, pass cars with someone driving, all the people on a train, all are having full and complex lives. Ones we know nothing about. Each and every person is having joy, heartache, trauma, anxiety, pleasure, anger, happiness, excitement, the full range of the human experience. I’ve always stopped to think about this and now I find out it has a name!
So why should we care, what does it mean to you? I’m generally thinking here about two words, empathy and compassion. Y’know when someone barges past you in the street or someone at work seems moody, do you ever stop to think why? Do you ever take a moment to think about what might be going on with them? If its your neighbour, a work colleague, even a stranger, do you every take time to do some something very simple that could really help make their day just a bit better? Can you make sonder into a verb, a doing word? Can you do some sondering?
What can you do to that’s simple and sweet to bring about a bit of joy into someone else’s life that you know nothing about? Politeness, smiling, a chit chat in the queue at Morrisons (other supermarkets are available), a hug (with permission of course), even sharing your butty could really make a difference in someone else’s life. Lifting our heads to think about someone else and not just our own worlds won’t do any of us any harm.
Meanwhile I have to face the wrath of my 18yr old who will find out a picture of her arm is on social media and this is going to be very uncool so I’ll take any sondering from you the reader that I can get!